When The Fire Rages
by purplelogicwriter
Summary: The fire is burning out of control and getting closer and closer to the car in which Rusty is trapped. Panic ensues and the rest is the fallout of previous events.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey Everyone! So here I go with another story where I mess things up with the happy family…I mean what did you really expect from me :) But seriously I had a dream that I was Rusty in this situation, and let's just say I woke up sweating and freaking out...And of course I thought man that would be a good fanfic haha. So I hope you enjoy!**

 **Also, thanks to anon on Tumblr for the help with the title!**

 **Oh yeah and all the standard stuff about me not owning these characters and what not.**

* * *

The fire was getting close. Help wasn't going to make it. 911 told him to stay put, and he didn't really have much of a choice. The fact that his leg was pinned by the dash of his car, made moving impossible. The wildfire was almost to the top of the hill, and once that happened it wouldn't be long until it reached him.

The blood was pooling and he knew there was a possibility of passing out soon. The call with the emergency operator had ended two minutes ago, and now he was about to make the most desperate call of his life.

* * *

Major Crimes had spent the day splitting their time between negotiating with their suspect, finishing reports, and watching the coverage of the wildfire that was creeping closer to the city. It had been years since a fire of that magnitude had threatened the city, and it was as if everyone was entranced by the footage.

Sharon was about to walk into the interview room to finalize their plea deal when her phone rang. Andrea gave her an impatient look, but Sharon held up a finger because it was Rusty. The fact that it was an unusual time of the day for him to be calling gave her a bad feeling.

She answered quickly, "Rusty, I'll be headed home soon, but can I call you back I'm about to go in with Andrea to finalize a plea?"

There was sniffling and silence.

"Rusty, what's wrong? Are you ok?"

"Mom I'm sorry. I had an accident, I'm trapped and the fire…the fire is close."

Andrea was looking concerned and Sharon realized that she was reaching out toward the wall for support.

"You—you're trapped? Did you—are you hurt?" She was doing her best to remain calm, but all the training in the world couldn't have prepared her for this.

"My leg is pinned it's bleeding—I can't—I can't get it free. Mom—I'm scared." She could hear the panic of his words in her own chest; with each word he spoke it intensified. "The 911 operator said they would get to me when they could, but with the fire—"

"Where are you?" Sharon headed off to her office on wobbly legs to get her keys forgetting about Andrea and the case. Everything else could wait. This could not. She closed the door behind her just trying to focus on his words.

"Up in the hills I don't know I went off the road, Mom help me. Please—"

"I am coming for you just stay with me. Calm down and breathe, ok? Can you do that?" Every time she heard him say _mom_ it was like a stab in her chest. He was pleading with her, and yet she was so far away, she needed to hold it together for a few more minutes.

"Yeah," he replied, and she heard him taking a deep breath.

"Good, just like that. Hold on Rusty, just hold on one second." She opened the door to a barrage of questions from her team about why they hadn't gone in to talk to the suspect yet, to which she said, "Just listen! Mike I need to find Rusty, ping his phone or whatever, just do it now!"

Tao sprang into action while the rest of the team stared on in silence.

"Mom—Mom I'm seeing dots. I think I'm losing a lot of blood."

"Ok honey, hold on. Just stay with me keep talking. Just keep talking to me ok? Can you do that?"

She waved Julio over and covered the phone. "Rusty called 911 they said to stay put. Find out if they had and location and if help is on the way."

"Mom—The fire—It's close!"

"Captain, I've got the location," Tao said.

"We are on our way Rusty. The whole team is coming," she said waving her hand around for everyone to go. "Just keep talking to me Rusty."

"I'm cold Sharon."

They were thirty minutes away from him on a good day, and she knew there would be madness as they got closer because of the fire, but running lights and sirens she prayed that she would get to him in time.

"I know honey, and I love you so much but you've got to keep talking to me. Is there any way for you to stop the bleeding Rusty? Is there something you can use to put pressure on it?"

* * *

Sharon was coming to him, and that made him feel immensely better. But what if she didn't make it in time? What if he never got to see her again? What if—he didn't get a chance to finish that thought because she was talking into his ear again, telling him that she loved him and asking him something. Her voice sounded so distant though, and he couldn't understand her.

"I love you too Sharon. I'm so sorry for everything that I put you through…I'm so sorry…"

He couldn't stop the tears, and he couldn't catch his breath. He was going to die. He just knew he was going to die, and he was never going to get the chance to tell Sharon all of the things she needed to know. He was never going to feel her arms around him again. He was never—

"Shhh," her voice came across quiet and calm, but he could hear the emotion behind it, "Honey, don't apologize, and you don't get to say goodbye yet. We have too many years ahead of us for all of that to be said right now. Do you hear me?"

He realized that he was nodding his head instead of voicing that yes he heard her and quickly said, "Yes." But he couldn't help, but think that if he didn't get to say good bye then she would never know everything that he wanted so badly to say, he just hadn't had the words for before this.

"Good. Now, breathe, and tell me is there something you can use to put pressure on your leg to stop the bleeding?"

He could hear the sirens of her car in the phone, but he couldn't hear any nearby. How far away was she?

"Rusty? Did you hear me?"

He looked around the car to see if there was anything. His jacket was in the floor of the passenger seat. "My jacket. I don't know if I can reach—Mom are you close?"

"I'm getting closer," she said. Her voice was even and calm, he couldn't help but draw some strength from that. Sharon was his rock, his strength when he didn't have any. He needed her. "Try to reach your jacket honey. Just try."

"Ok, but I'm—I'm going to set down the phone so I don't drop it. Don't hang up, promise?"

He was so cold, and he was shivering. The tears were still running down his face, and he wiped at them trying to focus on what Sharon was asking of him. She always had a plan.

"I promise, Rusty, I'll still be here. Now, try to reach it ok?"

He couldn't say anything; the words were stuck behind the lump in his throat. He set the phone down and reached out for his jacket, but the pain was too much and he let out a scream. He tried again with the same result. As he sat back in his seat he felt even more lightheaded and weak than before. It was almost all he could do to pick up the phone again. "I can't—too far." He managed to whisper, the defeat in his voice evident.

"Ok, shhhh, it's ok honey." Rusty could tell that Sharon was doing everything in her power to keep her emotions at bay. He knew her too well. Things that others might not even notice, he picked up on, and his heart sank. She cleared her throat, "Can you see anything around you?"

He had almost forgotten about the fire until she said that. The second he looked up the flames were all he could focus on. "Fire." He managed that one word before things started to fade in and out. "Mom—I love you." Those were his last words before everything faded to black.

* * *

"I love you too. Rusty, is there anything else? Anything else that you can see?" Sharon was doing her absolute best to hold it together as they raced toward her son. She could tell that he was getting weaker by the minute. "Rusty? Honey? Talk to me!"

There was nothing though.

No words. No sniffles. No noises.

"Rusty! Please stay with me! We are so close! Rusty!"

Still nothing. She couldn't hang up though; she had promised him that she wouldn't hang up.

"How much further Julio?"

"Two miles ma'am."

Oh God. Please Rusty hold on. That's all she could think.

The fire was extremely close and it was making its way over a hillside not far from where they were. She had no idea what she was going to do if she got to him too late. She couldn't even fathom her life without Rusty in it anymore. That ship had sailed a long time ago. He was hers; he was her son. Going on without him was unimaginable, so he just had to be alive. He was a fighter. He had always been a fighter. He was going to be fine. He had to be fine. There were no other options.

* * *

The Captain was out of the car before it even came to a stop. She ran to the edge of the road looking down the small embankment. The car was right side up, and she thanked God for that. Before anyone could stop her she took off down the embankment to the car.

As she pulled the door open, there he was passed out in the seat. He was so pale, and judging by the blood on the floor, he had lost a lot of blood. She put her hand on his face, and then moved it to his neck. She needed to know, she had to find his pulse.

It was there. It was weak, but it was there.

Her team was pushing her out of the way, and Mike was using some balloon looking thing to lift the dash. Then, there were firemen. She had no idea where they had come from, but they were there helping.

All she could do was stand there and watch. She didn't say anything. She didn't move. She just stood there watching, waiting for it to be over.

Then, Lt. Provenza was pulling her along, and she couldn't even ask where they were going, she just followed him numbly. The numbness lasted until she realized they were in a clearing and a helicopter was landing. That is when she sprang back into action. After they loaded him on the helicopter, she ran and jumped in with him. No one tried to stop her, and no one questioned her.

As they took off she could see the flames engulfing Rusty's car, and the reality of how close she had really come to losing him hit her. She choked back her tears and swallowed her emotions though because now was not the time for that. She stayed out of the way while they worked on him with the exception of holding his hand and whispering to him that everything was going to be all right. She just hoped that she wasn't lying to him as she said it though.

* * *

 **So there it is, but not to worry there are two more chapters. Who would I be to just leave it there? Anyway next chapter is written just need to edit, and then it is all yours.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you everyone for the reviews, follows, and favorites! You guys are great!**

 **One more chapter after this one, and it is everything that you have been missing…like the why and the how and all that jazz…So until then, you get this little bit of angst mixed with a tiny bit of humor. Enjoy!**

* * *

He will wake up.

 _When?_

You should go rest.

 _I'm fine._

Stay positive.

 _I am positive._

Didn't all these people realize their "words of encouragement" weren't working? They could go home. They could go rest. They could stay positive. But she was going to sit right here, in this chair, until he opened his eyes, and until he could speak to her.

And God help the next person who tried to remind her it could be a while until he wakes up, or the person that tried to force food into her hand one more time.

She was fine, and most of all she was not a child. If she was hungry, she would eat. If she was tired, she would sleep.

Their concern—although on some level appreciated—was unwarranted.

Two days had gone by since the accident, and the fire was under control and almost extinguished completely. If they wanted to be helpful, they could go solve a murder. Or even better they could go see if there was anything at the scene that hadn't burned up. They could tell her exactly what had caused the _accident._

Nonetheless, they could not continue to tell her what to do or how to feel. She's the one that gives the damn directions, and when Lieutenant Provenza decided to show back up she was going to make that clear to _everyone._

* * *

As Provenza walked in the hospital and navigated the halls to the waiting room, he could feel the tension in his shoulders building. The Captain had been anything but compliant since Rusty had come out of surgery. He knew the woman was as stubborn as a mule, but really sometimes it was frustrating as hell. He did not come here to argue with her. However, he was here to wrangle the team back to work. They had a case, and Taylor was being his usual self, worrying about the story breaking on the news and trying to stay ahead of it. Taylor was a real ass most of the time, but seeing as how they were stuck with him until Pope retired, it was better to just pretend to appease him.

Rounding the last corner into the waiting room, he heard Sykes tell Flynn that she was going to go get coffee. She stopped mid-stride when she saw Provenza though.

"Lieutenant? I thought you wouldn't be back until tomorrow?" Sykes questioned.

"Well Sykes, nothing like a good murder to ruin plans."

"We have a case?"

"Very good Sykes," he snarked and then turned his attention to the rest of the team, "Looks like our time here is done. Where is the Captain?"

"Where do you think?" Flynn shot back with as much sarcasm as possible.

Provenza chose to ignore that remark, everyone was running low on sleep and caffeine. Instead he headed down the hall to Rusty's room. He stood outside and peered through the window for a moment, just watching the Captain. She looked like hell. He didn't think he had ever seen her look this run down or exhausted before in their 20 something year _relationship._ He sure as hell wasn't going to tell her that though.

She was running her hand down Rusty's arm saying something to the kid. Every so often, she would raise her other hand to wipe her eyes. She had been by that bed for a day and a half now with the exception of about an hour.

The longest hour of his life.

 _When the kid made it out of surgery, the Captain had disappeared saying she needed some air. Provenza had given her 10 minutes, figuring that she just needed a minute away from the commotion, but when the nurse had come back and said Rusty could have one visitor at a time, Sharon still wasn't back. He had gone in search of her and found her kneeling on the floor of chapel, crying silently._

 _The last thing he had wanted to do was intrude, but it seemed as though she wasn't going to be pulling it together anytime soon. So, he had gone to her and carefully placed his hand on her shoulder. Sharon jumped at the touch, but then just sank completely to the floor and continued crying. After a few moments the tears let up, and he handed her his handkerchief. She had been shaken to core by everything and held it together long enough to find the kid and rescue him, but now that he was safe and out of surgery it all hit her. If there was one thing that everyone knew about Sharon Raydor, it was that she was a mother above all else. Because of that he hadn't been sure what he could do for her, so he knelt beside her on the floor just offering her support through his presence._

 _Once she had regained her composure, he could see the exhaustion already setting in from such an emotional attack. They had exchanged a few words, words that he couldn't even remember now, but he remembered her trying to apologize for him having to see that. Their relationship was very different from the past. She wasn't the wicked witch of the west anymore in his eyes, so of course he had shrugged it off because he didn't want to let her see his emotions either. Then, he had stood and pulled her to her feet. She straightened her jacket, looked him in the eyes, and said, "Let's go see him."_

It had been the fact that she invited him in with her to see Rusty first that had shaken him up. Sure, they were like "parents" to the kid, but the Captain did all the heavy lifting, he just offered advice and support here and there.

Provenza was drawn from his memories when a nurse bumped into him accidently. They both apologized, and then she hurried off to do whatever she had to do, reminding him of why he was there in the first place. He tapped on the window lightly to get Sharon's attention, and when their eyes met he nodded for her to come out there. Provenza didn't want Rusty to hear what he had to say—if the kid could hear them.

As Sharon joined him in the hallway, wrapping a sweater around her tightly, he cleared his throat trying to figure out what to say first. "How is he doing?"

Her eyes found the boy through the window when she responded, "He is about the same. I think he has a little more color now, what do you think?"

Provenza also moved his eyes toward Rusty. He didn't agree with her, but he nodded his head for no other reason than he wasn't about to dispute anything she had to say in the state she was in.

"I thought you had left for the night, Lieutenant?"

Right. That's what he needed to talk to her about. "Duty calls, we caught a murder, and Taylor called me. I came to get the team because no one was answering their phones when I called."

"They are here still?" Sharon glanced nervously down the hall. "I told them I was fine and to go home."

"You know they don't always listen to what we tell them," he said trying to lighten the mood somewhat. It didn't work because not even a smirk crossed her features.

"I should go thank them," she said hesitantly looking at Rusty again. It was painfully obvious that she didn't want to leave his side, but still felt the need to be polite to the team.

"I will let them know, but Sharon—"

She cut him off, "No." She shook her head, "I'm not going home, and I am fine. I appreciate the concern, but I can't handle it right now."

"Well that isn't what I was going to say anyway," Provenza said—even though it definitely was—this woman was so frustrating! "I was going to say call if you need _anything_. You're not alone."

Those were just about the most caring words he had ever said to this woman and surprisingly he didn't feel like he was going to have a heart attack.

"Thank you, I will keep you updated." Her eyes were on Rusty as she spoke, and her hands were shoved in her pockets. Everyone knew that was one of her tells. He decided to let it slide for now. He was just about to turn and walk away when he heard her whisper, "What if we were too late?"

Of course she would find a way to blame herself for this. "We weren't, the kid is tough, but he's also stubborn like his mother," she looked at him and he smirked, "No one can make him do what they want until he is ready. You two are two peas in a pod." He put his hand on the Captain's shoulder, "You got to him, and that's what counts. Call me if anything changes."

Before she could reply he turned to go, and just before he rounded the corner of the hall he called over his shoulder loud enough for her to hear, "And ye gods eat something!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Alright everyone, I really apologize for the lateness. I had an accident of my own and got pretty banged up, which made typing pretty difficult for a while. Anyway, the new chapter is here. I know I said this would be the last one, but I just felt like what I wanted to say should be broken up into two different chapters. So you get this one now and when I get done editing the next, you get the conclusion. Thank you for your patience, and as always enjoy!**

* * *

Sharon must have fallen asleep because the feeling of something touching her hair jolted her awake. As she sat up, Rusty's hand fell to the bed. She went from staring at the hand to looking at his face. His eyes were open and there was a half smile on his lips. "Oh my God! Rusty you're awake!"

"Hey," he said with a raspy voice.

She wasn't even sure that she was awake. Was this a dream? Was he really awake?

"Can I have some water?"

Instinctively, she grabbed a cup of water and helped him take a sip. "Thank you." He leaned back against the pillow, "You found me."

She snapped out of the denial she was feeling in time to grab his hand and answer his question. "Yes, I always will." She tried to smile, but she wasn't sure if she actually managed to. There were so many conflicting emotions and feelings running through her mind and her body right now that she wasn't sure what she was and was not doing.

Rusty had closed his eyes again, and she waited, sitting on the side of the bed to see if he would open them again. After a few minutes he did. "Sorry, I'm just sleepy."

"Just rest honey, everything is going to be all right." She bent forward and kissed his forehead, silently thanking God that he had woken up. There were so many questions she wanted to ask him, but they could wait. He was too weak to go through any of the details of the accident right now.

"I heard you, but I couldn't speak before…" His eyes were closed and his words faded out like he was back to sleep, but she pushed anyway.

"Heard what Rusty?"

"Stuff you said…wrong stuff…"

She tried to push him, but his grip on her hand loosened and she knew that he had fallen asleep again. She was left wracking her brain trying to think of what he could possibly be talking about, but she wasn't sure. It just brought more anxiety to her chest. Before she realized it, she was up pacing his room, trying to calm herself down.

Once she could breathe normally again, she pressed the nurse's call button. She wanted them to know that he had been awake, and she wanted reassurance from someone that everything was still ok with him. None of the monitors were going off, but that wasn't enough proof.

She needed more.

* * *

Rusty had been hearing Sharon's voice for a while, sometimes he could even feel her running her hands down his arm or through his hair, but he just couldn't make his eyes open. The words he thought he was saying to her, turned out to be only in his mind. He had tried so hard to just open his eyes so she would quit blaming herself. He wanted to comfort her because even though he couldn't see her face, he could hear the tears and emotion in her voice. He just wanted her to know that he was fine.

Finally, he had pried his eyes open for a few minutes. She was asleep though, sitting in the chair, her head resting on the bed. It wasn't a restful sleep and she was murmuring something he couldn't make out. The dark circles under her eyes and the tearstains on her cheeks made him sad. He struggled to lift his hand, but when he finally did, he ran his hand over her hair. That seemed to be the least intrusive way to wake her, and he hadn't expected her to jump. Every so often he wasn't able to keep his eyes open—even though he was trying—she seemed happy he was awake though, once she settled down.

The struggle of talking and keeping his eyes open was too hard, and before he could tell her everything that he wanted his mind slipped back into the incoherent world of dreams.

The dreams were more like flashbacks, and with each one the details of what had really happened came back to him in better detail and clarity.

 _The school newspaper had wanted someone to get pictures of the wildfire, and try to get some interviews of firefighters and other first responders. Since Rusty was "the new guy," he was volunteered by the editor to go out and do it. Plus, the editor liked to exploit the fact that his mom was a cop, he thought that would somehow let Rusty get closer to the action, but Rusty never planned to use that to his advantage, no matter what. That's just not who he was, and Sharon would have never approved anyway._

 _But Rusty had done as he was told, and he went to the command center that had been set up for the wildfire. Instead of trying to cross the police line to find some person high up in the brass to interview, he had stood with the other members of the press, and gotten what he needed. Satisfied with what he had, he decided to head out because he had heard people saying that the fire had changed directions, and the command center would be moving soon. Rusty did not want to be caught up in that chaos._

 _There were a lot of road closures, and the route he had taken to get up there, was no longer accessible, so he wound up on a road that was very unfamiliar. He wasn't speeding, but he was by no means going slow because he could see the fire getting closer and closer._

 _He was looking out the passenger window, down the hill when he saw something out of the corner of his eye run across the road. It was a shock and as he turned back to focus on the road he swerved, but he swerved too far left and then tried to correct back to the right. It was an overcorrection though, because the next thing he knew he was going down the hill and crashing into the rocks below._

Rusty jolted awake at the same time that in his dream he was crashing. He sat up straight, gasping for air and clutching his chest. Pain shot through his leg, and if Sharon hadn't of been right there beside him, he would have thought he was right back in the car with his leg pinned.

Sharon was beside him shushing him and saying, "It's ok. You are ok. I'm here with you." She just kept repeating it over and over until he finally calmed down and could breathe properly again.

When reality was clear to him again, Rusty felt mildly embarrassed, but Sharon showed no signs of disappointment or anything but love and concern on her face.

"Are you in pain?" she asked carefully, and he realized that he was still clutching his leg with both hands.

He managed to nod his head in the affirmative.

"Ok, try to loosen your grip," she said moving her hands to his and gently pulling until he let loose, "I will go get the nurse."

As Sharon pulled her hands from his to leave and find the nurse, he was finally able to form words. "Please don't leave."

Sharon stopped dead in her tracks, and turned back to face him. "Ok, I'm here." She made her way back to him, and sat on the edge of his bed, careful to avoid his hurting leg. She reached across and pressed the red button, to call for the nurse, and then she grabbed his right hand, giving it a little squeeze. "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

Sharon sat there in silence studying Rusty's face, trying to decipher what was going through his mind. His grip on her hand was tight and his eyes were looking at anything but her, but she could see the pain and the fear in his eyes. She just wasn't sure what the fear was about.

There was no time to ask because the nurse came in and started tending to Rusty and asking him questions about how he felt and what not. Sharon could see that he was obviously holding something back, and the nurse seemed to notice it too. Gloria, the nurse, added some pain medicine into his IV and then told them both that the doctor would be back around shortly and then she made her exit with the promise of food being delivered soon.

Rusty crinkled his nose up at the promise and Sharon giggled and thanked Gloria. She moved back to sit on the bed and ruffled Rusty's hair, "If you want I could have someone bring you some food. Maybe, Lieutenant Provenza or Andrea?"

"Yeah, maybe. Let's just see, I'm not really hungry anyway."

"Ok. We will see."

She was wondering how to broach either what he had been trying to tell her before he fell asleep last time, or the subject of the crash and what had happened, when he started the conversation for her.

"I don't—I'm not sure that I got to tell you before I fell asleep," he finally relaxed and laid back on the bed, but still held onto Sharon's hand, "but it—what I was trying to say is I could hear you. Before I woke up I mean."

Ok, so he could hear her...

"Rusty—I'm not sure what you mean?" She could hear the uncertainty in her own voice, and she mentally scolded herself. The last thing that she needed was for him to feel that things were anymore unstable than they currently were, and mostly she didn't want him thinking that she was toeing the edge of a mental breakdown—like she felt she was.

"You kept telling me that you were sorry and that it was your fault. There was also something you said about being late, and that you know that I hate when people are late. But mom, listen, it wasn't your fault, it was mine or the animal or whatever, and _you found me._ " She was shaking her head no the whole time, but she allowed him to finish. "If it weren't for you, I would be dead, and this isn't the first time those words have been true."

 _Oh this boy._ As hard as she tried, she couldn't keep the tears from welling up in her eyes. Every bit of training and all the years of keeping up her mask, were useless, they always failed her when it came to Rusty. He had wiggled his way into her heart a long time ago, and just thinking of all the times she had almost lost him was enough to kill her, she was sure of it. That's why she refused to do it. She refused to get overwhelmed by all of those feelings right now because that was something she reserved for very private and very alone times—times that she knew no one would see just how much it had hurt her, times that she was sure she would have the space she needed to pull it together before she faced anyone.

Now was not one of those times, no matter what her heart felt or what Rusty said, now was not one of those times. She forced herself to focus on the fact that he was right there in front of her. She could still hold him in her arms, and she could still make sure that he accomplished anything that he wanted to. Those were the things she forced herself to focus on as she began to speak.

"Honey, I made you a promise a long time ago, and I never plan to break it." She managed a small smile, they both understood what she was struggling to say. "If you hadn't of kept your head and given me the details you did, then it would be a different story, and I am so proud that you did that and that you called me when you did." She pulled him into a tight hug, and he squeezed her tighter.

"I learned to keep my cool from you, you know?" She could hear the smile in his voice and her heart lightened just a little bit as she hummed her acknowledgment.

"You scared me, you know?" She whispered as she held him close.

"I scared myself...I love you, mom."

"I love you too." As she released him, and wiped her eyes in the process she said, "Can you tell me what happened and why in the world you were even in that area with the fire so close?"

They both knew that the details would be the only thing that helped ease her mind. So, Rusty told her as much as he could remember. He also told her most of it he remembered from his dreams, but that he was almost positive that the dreams were true. Sharon listened and tried to rationalize the whole situation as it was told to her. Just as she was about to ask some follow up questions the doctor came in the room and the discussion was tabled for a while.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Well here you go everyone, the conclusion. Completely different than I intended, but hey what do you do? Enjoy!**

Today was the day that he was going to go home. It had been a week and a half since the accident, and he was more than ready to go home. Sharon had been with him since he woke up the first time, with the exception of three times. Each time she left she had never been gone for more than two or three hours, and she called or texted like every half hour to check in, even though he had told her he would be fine if she took longer. At one point, he mentioned her going back to work, and she had given him a look and said, "Not while you are in the hospital." They had left it at that because something about the tone in her voice made him just drop the subject and move on.

Rusty had also given up on telling her to go home at night, to sleep because it did absolutely no good. She slept on a cot that the team had managed to find and bring in his room after the second day, and before that she slept in the chair beside his bed.

Last night had been different though. Last night, she had probably thought he was asleep, but he hadn't been. She ran her fingers through his hair, kissed his forehead, and then she had quietly walked out of his room. He watched her walk to the end of the hall and turn right down the last hallway.

Part of his recovery had been to walk the hallways, and slowly build some strength back up in his leg. He knew that the only thing down that hallway was a waiting room and around another corner was a chapel.

It was after midnight when she walked out of his room, and he had woken up to her coming in the room at a little after four in the morning. Almost four hours she had been gone, and she offered no explanation when he rolled over to ask if everything was ok. Sharon simply said, "Go back to sleep." Then, she sat down in the chair and didn't say another word.

Today, Sharon looked like hell. There was no other way of putting it.

He didn't want to think about last night because as soon as the doctor got back with his paperwork, he was out of here, but every time Sharon smiled at one of Andrea's jokes it fell flat. There was no playfulness in her eyes either. It was worrisome, and he was glad that Andrea had decided to drop by because he had asked her if she wanted to come back to the condo with them.

Andrea had easily taken the hint, and agreed. Rusty had seen the questioning look in Andrea's eyes, but he had just shrugged even though he knew that he would have to fill her in later. But Rusty knew that something was going on with Sharon, and he obviously wasn't helping, he might have even been the cause of her pain.

Finally, the doctor came back in with Rusty's follow up instructions and discharge papers. Andrea wheeled him to the elevator, only popping a wheelie once, much to Sharon's dismay. Then, they loaded up, and headed home.

Home.

He couldn't wait to get there.

* * *

It was getting late and Andrea knew that she should have probably left by now, but Rusty's words were still lingering in her head. When they had arrived back at the condo, Sharon had gone to take a shower, while Andrea and Rusty ordered some food for them all. Given the events of the past two weeks, there was little to no food in the house to eat, so ordering in was the only logical option.

After the food was ordered, Andrea had wanted the details on what was going on with Sharon. Rusty had been more than willing to tell her everything that he knew and had observed. It gave her a better idea of what exactly was going on, and Andrea knew that her ignored calls and texts last night to Sharon had been ignored on purpose.

It was all finally getting to Sharon, and after knowing the Captain for the last ten or so years, Andrea knew just how much problems with her children could affect her. Things just hadn't weighed on Sharon's shoulders this much in years, and Andrea had almost forgotten what all of the warning signs were. She should have picked up on it sooner. But here they were, and Andrea felt that it was her duty to pull Sharon back to the reality of the good outcome of the situation, and to help her remember that for now everyone was safe again.

Stress from work and stress from home life was always a tough balancing act for all of them, and sometimes when the lines got crossed and the weight of it felt like too much to handle, everyone needed that someone that would sit them down, lay out the facts, and make them see that they were making it through just fine. Andrea had been there many times, and Sharon had always been that person for her. Really, they had always been that person for each other, so that's what she was going to do again.

Rusty had gone to bed half an hour ago, and Sharon was in the kitchen pouring herself a glass of wine. Hopefully the wine would help Sharon open up a little more easily. Sharon came back to the couch and sat on the opposite side but facing Andrea. She stretched out her legs and wiggled her toes underneath Andrea's thigh. It was a habit the Captain had acquired years ago because her feet were always cold, and in the beginning Andrea would squeal as the coldness hit her leg, but now she always just chuckled and patted the legs beside her. It was a comfortable routine, and the ease with which they felt with one another was second to none.

Andrea turned to smile at the older woman, "I want you to know something."

Sharon set her wine glass down and folded her hands in her lap before responding. "And what would you like me to know?"

"That you are my best friend, a beautiful person, and a wonderful mother," Andrea said while searching the other woman's face for a reaction. She usually wasn't so straightforward because too many compliments sometimes had the opposite effect on Sharon's attitude than intended, but tonight it earned her a smile; an actual genuine smile, with a little flush in the cheeks of her best friend.

"Andrea..." Sharon playfully admonished. Andrea just chuckled slightly in response.

The silence stretched on for a minute or two before Andrea put her hand on Sharon's legs and with the most caring face she could manage said, "Are you going to talk to me about it?"

Sharon's eyes dropped to the place Andrea's hand was resting, "What's there to say?"

"I don't know Sharon," Andrea sighed, "We can talk about how you're doing, which I know you hate, or we can talk about why you can't look at Rusty without looking like you are going to cry. Or you could tell me where you disappeared to last night because Rusty said you were gone for hours in the middle of the night. Those are just some of the places we could start." It was direct, maybe a little on the passive aggressive side, but sometimes there was no other way with this woman.

"Are there any other options?" Sharon smirked.

"You are infuriating sometimes. Do you know that?"

"You've told me on several occasions, but I find you slightly _infuriating_ sometimes too."

Their quick banter back and forth was a tension reliever, and Andrea was glad that they always had that easy rhythm.

"Fine, Andrea, you pick a starting point. Honestly, I'm too exhausted to remember all the things you just threw at me that you wanted to know." She cleared her throat, "So, one question at a time please."

Andrea wanted to dance around in victory because that had been way easier than she thought it was going to be. Usually Sharon took much more prompting and prodding before she caved and talked the way Andrea wanted. The only trouble was where to start, in order to wind up with Sharon making the same conclusions Andrea already had. That what had happened, already happened, there was no changing it, and everyone including Sharon did everything they could, and Rusty was going to be just fine with a little more physical therapy; everything had worked out and everyone was safe.

"What happened last night?"

There was a deep sigh that came from the other woman as she reached over and picked up her wine glass before answering, but that was fine because Andrea could be patient when she needed to be.

"Do you remember what you told me that day I found you in the closet of your bedroom after you were shot?" Sharon asked.

Andrea frowned, but replied anyway, "I told you...I could actually feel the darkness."

"And I sat in that closet with you, holding you, and you said I was making the dark go away. We sat there for hours, and eventually you fell asleep in my arms. Then, after I woke you up a while later so we could get off the floor, you said the light was back. Do you remember that?" It was more of a rhetorical question, but Andrea nodded anyway. "I never understood exactly what you meant...until last night. Of course I have had my moments of despair, but I never understood what you meant by feeling the darkness until I _felt_ it last night.

"I was sitting in that room, watching Rusty sleep, and everything I've been pushing down for months—all the anger, sadness, desperation, tears, and heartache—started weighing on me. I literally felt the darkness. It was the middle of the night, there was no one around, I didn't want to leave the hospital in case someone needed to find me for Rusty, but...the only place I could think of going was the chapel." Sharon finally looked up from her glass of wine she had been staring into and met Andrea's eyes for just a second before they focused back on the glass. Andrea was afraid to speak before Sharon was done because the other woman could shut her out at any point. So, she sat there waiting quietly, rubbing her thumb back and forth in what she hoped was a comforting manner across the legs beside her.

Finally, Sharon spoke again. "I knelt at the alter for a while praying and wishing all the feelings would go back to their hiding places I had put them in, but of course they didn't. I let it all out right there in the middle of the chapel. It was exhausting and it was gut wrenching, but I knew that if I continued to hold it in, something very, very bad was going to happen to me. I couldn't allow that, there are too many people that depend on me. So, you wanted to know what happened last night, there it is, the ugly truth of it all. The things that I never wanted anyone to know about me, you know now." Sharon took a deep breath, sat the glass on the table, and then she lifted her head.

The tears Andrea had heard in Sharon's voice were no longer in her eyes, and she looked like she had just told the biggest national secret and now knew she was vulnerable. But that vulnerability is what touched Andrea's heart; that the other woman was so honest and open with her was a treasure.

She held Sharon's gaze as she spoke, "I understand how you felt, and I so wish that I would have been there for you Sharon. I could've been your light for once," she said with a smirk. There was a minute of silence between them, where it seemed as though Sharon was having an internal battle with whether or not she wanted to say something. But then a thought occurred to Andrea, "Do you still feel that way? Or did it help?"

Sharon gave her a half smile, "It worked enough to get me to this moment, and you are helping the rest of the way."

"Good. Do you think you can sleep now? Because I know you probably haven't had a good night's rest in a while."

"Possibly, but I don't want you to leave yet." Sharon slowly withdrew her legs from their spot under Andrea's hand and then stood up. "I just want to check on Rusty, ok?"

Andrea gave the only reply that she could, "I'm here as long as you want."

* * *

Sharon was standing in the doorframe watching Rusty sleep. He looked peaceful from her vantage point. That was something she was grateful for. He seemed to be handling things a lot better than she had been, and not just regarding this latest incident. She had been in such a constant state of alertness and fear for so long that she honestly couldn't remember the last time she had slept all the way through the night. Andrea had been right about that at least, and their conversation had been good to get off her chest, even though she knew it wasn't completely finished, she just wished that she hadn't needed to do it. There was something in her that knew it wasn't weakness that she was showing, but at the same time, it felt like weakness.

Andrea would never judge her though. Not the way others had in the past.

The slow footsteps in the hallway drew her out of her thoughts, and hearing Andrea's whisper, even though she expected it, still made her jump a little.

"You've been standing here for 15 minutes. He's safe Sharon." Andrea pulled gently on her arm, and Sharon allowed the other woman to lead her back to the living room. Andrea continued in a low voice, "He's safe, and you did everything right. Don't second guess yourself. Accidents happen. You are both safe."

The brunette fell into the hug before Andrea even lifted her arms. Those arms were a safe place, and if she was going to believe that she really was good, then she needed that feeling of security.

"You're right," Sharon whispered into the blonde's ear. "Sometimes I just have to remember to let go and move on."

"Of course I'm right."

"Don't get cocky counselor."

They extracted themselves from the hug, and both had grins on their faces. Sharon knew that everything was going to be fine because she had a good support system, and that even though sometimes things felt overwhelming, they could work through almost anything.

"How about ice cream and a movie until you get sleepy?" Andrea offered, and Sharon could tell she was trying to lighten the mood.

"I can't think of anything better," was her reply. So, with one more glance down the hallway towards Rusty's room, Sharon turned to head into the kitchen and get the ice cream and two spoons, while Andrea found a good movie. Then, she headed back to settle in next to the blonde, and hopefully soak up the rest of the light she needed to get back to normal.


End file.
